Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconcalumdc: More from CalumDC


Featured in Collections

Literature by DSteffi

Poems and Literature by Riegella


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
April 4, 2011
File Size
810 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
521
Favourites
48 (who?)
Comments
53
×
Heal

Why can't I heal you
take away your pain
why can't I heal you
make you fine again

hate seeing you this way
when you're hurting inside
want to take it all away
any help I will provide

Why can't I save you
from demons of the heart
Why can't I save you
from being torn apart

I know it feels so bad
Shouldn't fight it alone
I know it makes you sad
Shouldn't be on your own

I see the pain in your eye
And it shouln't be there
Don't like to see you cry
But you know that I care

I want to fix your soul
Repair all that you are
I want to make you whole
As you are my only star
Second of my recent productions just opened notepad and pressed the keys and this is the result.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconbrici5:
Brici5 Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
awesome expressing of pure feelings
great poem!
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconbrici5:
Brici5 Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you're welcome again! :)
Reply
:iconrtthesmugleaf:
RTtheSmugleaf Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2011  Student Filmographer
I swear, this should be turned into a song :I
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
It would be nice, but I know very little about the creation of music and making it more lyrical - and on top of that I'm horrific at singing. It's a great thought but difficult to implement
Reply
:iconrtthesmugleaf:
RTtheSmugleaf Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2011  Student Filmographer
I will find something to do with these verses one day, under your permission of course
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
naturally, It would be an honour to see it transcend from something flat to something with tangible feeling. In the hands of someone more capable
Reply
:icon0-sebastian:
0-SEBASTIAN Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2011
Very deep and sincere.
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you
Reply
:iconsirenrayn:
SirenRayn Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2011
great piece. it is touching. we want to help sometimes we other would not want us to involve themselves. I adore this and I feel for it.
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much, I'm really glad you enjoyed it :)
Reply
:icondsteffi:
DSteffi Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful. There are times when I just want to take away someone's pain and make it my own. Because when i see them in pain, somehow, it's worse. It's funny how the person you love can hurt you, not by his/her actions, but by his/her own pains scars in life.
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, and I completely agree - it's excruciating to see them afflicted and being so helpless to fix anything and absorb the sorrow is horrid. It is unusual yet it makes so much sense how the pain reflects inwardly - there will be some long winded psychological explanation - but it just seems to be the default response.
Reply
:iconkrazylittleangel:
KrazyLittleAngel Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2011  Student General Artist
you're welcome. someone said these things to me too.....still does. but im learning and coping and changing and believing in his words. reading this was like hearing him say it all again in lyrical form. so thank you for creating the words so beautifully

~Angel
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for you're kind words, If only I could show this to who it's aimed and cause that same sense of belief but, it wouldn't work. But I'm really glad you enjoyed it and got something positive from it.
Reply
:iconkrazylittleangel:
KrazyLittleAngel Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2011  Student General Artist
well maybe one day that person will come to understand. it takes time to really hear and feel those kind of words when your life doesnt reflect them. but sometimes pple grow to understand and sometimes you inspire them, just not when youre trying to. but along the way, you inspire others that need to hear it. maybe your words pass over that certain person for the time but others will soak it in. so you give the words life to ears that do hear :)
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I really do hope she does, it's a shame having to hide what I do here not just this one but all the others. Maybe in time I will be able to take these out of the vault in which they are hidden, the last time I showed any of my writing she wan't too pleased perhaps a little insulted but who really knows, doesn't want to say anything about it i'm just not up to standard
Reply
:iconkrazylittleangel:
KrazyLittleAngel Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2011  Student General Artist
I know what you mean about having to hide your work. I went through that and there are still people that find my work offensive or dont appreciate it. I set my own standard years ago until it evolved to the point that everyone knows Im proud of my work and wont be hiding it. But first I had to battle them. It sucked. But it sucked even more that I couldnt share my work. I had to choose. I love my choice. Im now free to be me no matter what anyone else thinks. It took some time though and those people just got used to it and the ones that didnt just wont put themselves in the way of my work. I have a strong belief that I am free spirited and for every person who doesnt like what I do there are several people who do. For every person feeling I've hurt them, there are several who feel like I've helped them. For every person who doesnt understand there are several who do or who are inspired. For example, my dad hates my photos and loves my poetry, even the erotic poetry. Now he knows Im not changing or taking down my photos so he just doesnt look. He wont even look at my erotic drawings but finds my erotic stories or poetry, artistic. But he loves me and finally accepts that Im gonna do what I want. People either love or hate my hair and make up. Its awesome when they love it. When they dont, I dont care at all and I took the time over the years to clear the path that enabled me to not care. If I couldnt do what I love or say what I want or look how I want to look, I wouldnt be happy. So I had to fight for the right to be myself and to share. And I have things Ive written about a person that I personally read to them so they would know how I felt, good and bad. To me, they should know and they should hear my voice saying it to them. Good and bad. And maybe they hate the words but later they are left to reflect on the words. The words are honest and the words are alive past their feelings. Its not just their feelings that matter, mine also matter. So I made the path and now those people know what to expect and Im free. Its better than restriction <3 I hope you come to the same freedom at some point cuz I promise it is so much better that way.
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I'd love to be able to show her my writing because that freedom that you've described sounds perfect - and convey what they are designed to show. But what I fear is that the reaction to what I have written would destroy the small friendship we have and i'd be left with nothing.

And I can appreciate what you mean about keeping all this sealed up does build unhappiness it's the restricted nature - virtually no-one I know in the real world knows what I do here, what I write. Especially not my family, because they'll be able work out who I'm writing about and be rather upset and things will get really bad. I just keep thinking what would I gain by unveiling this place versus the consequences.
Reply
:iconkrazylittleangel:
KrazyLittleAngel Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2011  Student General Artist
Going by my own experience......if this person you want to reach is so readily willing to end what you describe as a small frienship, then this is a person youre wanting to help and you have feelings for but they do not feel the same. you feel so strongly for a heart you described as only having a small friendship. the relationship between you and this person is extremely fragile and youre walking a thin thin line. that line is taking you to a lonely sad place. its almost like you cant navigate away from a disaster youre seeing so clearly and also seeing it clouded by emotion. and i know that when you feel the way that person feels.....you dont feel anyone else. that person is in a state of mind thats concentrated on pain. that person is also not ready for a relationship of an intimate nature, beit friend or lover.

that person has yet to wake up and theres no way to know when they will wake up. so investing your heart is more than a gamble or risk. phsycologically, you would be, and actually are, teetering on that thin line of destruction. self destruction. that person is self destructing right now. and you want to save them desperately, for their own sake and also for yours. so you can clear a path to their heart. so you can show them love and so you can give them the happiness and tranquility they simply can not feel at this time. fate is cruel so many times. it sux cuz you want this badly but you cant break through. i understand that.

the person i loved was just killing me with lies and secrets. and i desperately craved his attention and love. i did anything and everything to make him see all i was wanting to give him. and he couldnt see or feel any of my pain or my love. he loved me. but he loved me selfishly. he loved me cuz i was arm candy and since we lived together, i was sex he could regularly have. it made him feel good to have me cuz his friends thought i was hot or cuz men checked me out and that made his ego grow. all the while he looked through instead of at me. checking out other women so hard he couldnt hear our conversation and i was only talking to myself. he was addicted to porn so badly it became the other woman. everytime i was asleep, in the shower, or away from home he was watching porn. i had to beg for sex for the first time in my life. and sometimes he'd ask.."can i take a rain check?" and send me off alone to bed so he could retreat to the basement with his lap top porn. and i hurt so bad to know we were never making love. i was just being fucked and he was using me as a recepticle cuz it wasnt me in his mind he was fucking.....it was porn stars and other women. we were together for 10 miserable years.

and i changed everything about me to fit what he wanted. everything i believed in and who i was, i altered dangerously and still it had no affect on him. he loved the way it felt to have me but he didnt love me fully in a way that showed his heart was in it. only caring about what made him happy and never about my own happiness. he showed me i had no value to him. he didnt care if men hit on me right infront of him. he didnt care if i went out to clubs alone. he would send me out with other men so he could be with his porn. never caring those men wanted sex. all of them. he wanted me to give his friend a lap dance for shits and giggles. and that made me cry. why would you ask someone you love to do that? he tried to convince me to whore myself out on craigslist.

i mean, i eventually gave up to the point being alive hurt. physically hurt. and i stopped believing in god or a devil or heaven and hell. i thought....there couldnt possibly be a god that i loved that would let this pain be in my life. so religion disappeared for me and the world was even darker and held no purpose other than pain for me. felt like my soul was climbing out of my body cuz it was done being trapped in me and this miserable situation. and suicide constantly screamed at me that it was the only answer and escape and that death meant becoming dirt. and dirt has no feelings so dirt is what id rather have been back then. i began longing for death.

somehow, i became spiritually aware again and thats what saved me. there was no person alive that could have talked me out of my suicidal thoughts or could have made me stop trying to become what i thought he wanted. no one. for me, whatever higher being exists, it came to me when i was doing laundry. filled my body. spoke to me a new way to see things. assured me that life holds beauty. it saved me. and for awhile life was more beautiful than it had ever been. colors more colorful. pple in my life meant everything to me instead of nothing. his illness with addiction and porn became his own burden and left me. i began feeling like id just been enlightened to this new way of thinking and that i needed to tell everyone i saw because they should know so their lives would be better too. but soon that same spiritual thing that came to me, made me understand it was coming to me in a way i understood but how i understood was not the way others would understand. for others, that spiritual thing needed to come to them in a way theyd understand and for the time being.....how i felt then was only meant for me. i now teach this belief to my children. so they wont grow in to what i became. what this person you speak of is currently. so they wont be lost in emotions dark and dank.

maybe im rambling but my point is, i was this person youre speaking of. more than once even after the whole spiritual thing came to me the first time. the same spiritual thing had to come back several more times over the years and each time was a new way. a transition. like it spoke to me, if it had a voice anyone but i could hear, it said that it would be coming back to me through out my whole life making new transitions and presenting itself in a new way each time. it would catch me and i will live this way many times. hurt and depressed. but i feel assured that thing is with me always and everywhere.

to me it sounds like you are like i was feeling when i began feeling the sadness before it became severe enough that i lost all hope and longed to die. i can almost sense youre trying to accomplish something that can only be accomplished within this person alone. along with maybe a few words of advice that they may or may not even hear let alone feel. they arent caring for you the way you are caring for them. the result will bring you damage. it already is bringing you damage.

"why cant i save you?" because her spirit needs an intervention you cant provide at the moment. your spirit is investing in a spirit that has inprisoned itself and that withdraws into itself. that persons spirit is in pain but it is also being selfish, it just doesnt know it yet. when my spirit changed.....i realized i was hurting myself making all these unhealthy changes to create someone im not for someone who doesnt love me the same way. and i painfully realized how selfish i had been to myself and my kids by almost killing myself and taking me from them. or depriving myself of their love and a future with them. and because i almost took myself away from the very beings im meant to protect through life as long as im alive. i selfishly hurt and didnt even know it until my soul changed. like a devine intervention. and im not religious. nor do i teach my kids to believe religion other than learning theological things for the sake of knowledge, and understanding and education. the change has to come from within.

i didnt have the power to change him. i only changed me and lost myself. but some spiritual thing knocked sense in to me and thats the only way i came out of it. since then, i suffer depression a lot but i know that thing is still there and i do not wish to die. i have a purpose here. more than one purpose here. and my death will devestate innocent souls i made. it was a nasty trick and a horrible mind fucking situation. and i always hate to see that happening to someone. and im desperately doing all i can to prevent this from happening to my children. stopping them from being what i was and/or becoming how you are feeling too.

and while it was happening to me, there was a man speaking the words you spoke in your poem. only he couldnt change how i felt. it had to come from within.

unveiling your feelings might upset the person and they might decide to cast you out so they dont have to add more emotional stress on top of what they already arent able to cope with as it is. so your worry is a healthy worry. and maybe you should speak those words to that person cuz later on they will remember....when they are alone. they will replay your words. and years down the road they will understand how strongly you cared. and that sux. but your words could very well be a part of that persons healing once the change from within happens. for now they are not capable of loving another person when they cant love themselves. you never know when that change will happen for that person. you may never know what at what point your words finally held value to that to person. but the words are strong. and it may be that your words will not ever show that they helped you here. its more likely they will help that person later, but not at this moment.

hard choice to make. then it seems like youre not only loving someone like that, you are loving someone that others close to you find unacceptable for whatever reason and that sounds like a thing you should concider.

its easy to fall in love with someone but its not as easy to make them fall in love with you.

i feel pple do what they want and base it on how they feel and thats most likely how you will go about things too. im only sharing what happened to me in hopes my words sink in and you reflect on them sometimes and that it helps you. and i wish you the best luck and i hope it works out how you like.

i dont claim to know the answers. i only know what i lived through. i see me in you right now. that me was in extreme pain. you are begining that pain thats gonna get worse with a slight possibility that you could also get what you want here. as long as you see the chances are slim and examine where that persons soul and mental state is.

since then, that man now pays for hookers. he exchanges money and drugs for sex. and unfortunately we had a daughter together. halo. shes 5 now. turns out shes the best thing, the only blessing or good that came from that (relationshit). i also had 2 little boys when we met. they were 1 and 3 years old. they call him dad. they love him and he loves them. and his parents clobber them with love and attention and all the gifts a child could ever want including trips and vacations to far away places swimming with stingrays and dolphins and seeing things i never saw as a child. having things many kids never get. they each have lap tops and cell phones and all the game symstems invented and tons of games. i think i was meant to meet him for that purpose alone and not to be his lover for life as i had hoped for at the time. and he said he loved drugs and porn more than me. then later said i was his jewel he left alone in an unlocked car for someone to take. and someone did take me. and that love was the love i was searching for.

im sorry this was so long. i hope it helps some how. <3

~Angel
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, I really appreciate you taking to the time to say so much, and there is so much truth in the words you have written, how you've managed to deduce so much accurately from anything I've said is very impressive.

The reality is I am going a little nuts at the moment - teetering is the perfect expression for things right now. It's all consuming eating at each thought process. I may not understand anything about the concept of spirits - spend way too long studying sciences and that sort of thing, and haven't really believed in anything so on that level there isn't anything to lose on that front.

I'm not sure that the person this is aimed at is quite so self-destructive but I do admit thing's don't seem right and very shielded especially to anything I have to say that comes anywhere close to whatever I'm feeling so that gets pushed aside and confined - then ends up as anther of my pseudo poetic vents on here. This particular poem may make things seem worse, not that my mental state has improved but hers has not towards me but in general as this was during a particularly tough time in her life and on top of my rather delusional feelings was powerless to help as I wasn't allowed in to voice any support.

Overall, I don't know what's going on and if I look at things logically and rationally - they are rather daft thoughts I have and won't be reciprocated because I don't meet several criteria. It would be nice if I could unveil this Parthenon of words but the walls could and gauging the effect early works were reacted to - would come tumbling down beneath the ruins. None of the options seem to have a bright outcome.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconkrazylittleangel:
KrazyLittleAngel Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2011  Student General Artist
<3
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, and many thanks for the favourite :)
Reply
:iconshoulder-bird:
shoulder-bird Featured By Owner May 29, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
It's funny how 'just pressing' the keys results in such perfectly structured meter-work!
Reply
:iconshoulder-bird:
shoulder-bird Featured By Owner May 29, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
It's funny how 'just pressing' the keys results in such perfectly structured meter-work!
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner May 29, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, it was a rather spontaneous effort - I was surprised how well it worked out from the appreciation it has received. From having a bad time when this was composed to it being rather successful
Reply
:iconshoulder-bird:
shoulder-bird Featured By Owner May 29, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Poetry is but one of the mind's emotional outlets. It seems to work best when there's a lot going on up there.
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner May 29, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Very, true - when nothing is going on there is nothing to draw from to fuel that pressing of buttons
Reply
:iconshoulder-bird:
shoulder-bird Featured By Owner May 29, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Yep, although, I find writing humorous poetry/music/stories is much easier when everything is going well. When you already have something to laugh about it's easy to get other people to join you. ^.^
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner May 30, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
There's a point, I never thought of it like that. I tried to be humorous with my story but because it went on for a while (and still ongoing) it spanned both the good and bad times so ended up being rather miserable. But there is still plenty of chapters to perk things up a bit
Reply
:iconshoulder-bird:
shoulder-bird Featured By Owner May 31, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Hehe. I always aim for the air of optimism in my work. Even when I write something depressing, it has at least a glimmer of hope at the end.

Even the foulest valley has a brightly blooming flower.

But that's just me. ^.^
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner May 31, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Hey, its a great perspective if you can manage it - and if your valley can support life then congratulations :)
Reply
:iconriverstarofearthclan:
RiverstarofEarthclan Featured By Owner May 26, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Awesome!!
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner May 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it
Reply
:iconriverstarofearthclan:
RiverstarofEarthclan Featured By Owner May 26, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Your welcome
Reply
:iconcrying-goddess:
Crying-Goddess Featured By Owner May 23, 2011
This made me cry. It really reminds me of someone I know. He always knows when I'm upset and he hates it and tries everything to help.
Beautiful and definitely worth a fave.
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner May 24, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much, that's precisely what I was going for, from the guy's perspective. Written about a friend who was going through some stuff at the time.

Though, I do apologise for making you cry, but I must have done something right to convey enough power.

And of course so many thanks for the favourite too.
Reply
:iconcrying-goddess:
Crying-Goddess Featured By Owner May 24, 2011
No problem for the fave! :)
Reply
:iconchocotella:
chocotella Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
:O almost just like my poem, titled take it away here [link] but i agree. i HATE seeing people i love in pain and i feel exactly how you wrote it here ^^
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I thank you very much, for the appreciation. And it seems so much harder when you barely speak to the person in question as much - the separation exacerbates things.
Reply
:iconchocotella:
chocotella Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
oh, i know how you feel--especially the not speaking to them very frequently...
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, it's nice to know that the crazed contents contents of my mind are not something only I am dealing with
Reply
:icondraws-with-words:
draws-with-words Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Love the rhythm and I really like the rhyming pattern :D
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks alot :) I do like try and make it flow, as for the rhyming pattern it's just something I've always done - force of habit really but still many thanks.
Reply
:iconkarezuzusan:
karezuzusan Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Awesome poem!! :D :D Great job
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Many thanks :D It's amazing that a little writing in notepad has been appreciated so much. Thanks alot
Reply
:iconkarezuzusan:
karezuzusan Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
No problem!! You are really good!! :D
Reply
:iconsolomonfaulknersr388:
SolomonFaulknerSR388 Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Because you need more experience points, you don't learn how to heal until age 20. >:D
Reply
:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
haha, if only it was that simple - and now 20 has gone and passed - shall look for the hallowed XP points then to unleash a greater power
Reply
:iconsolomonfaulknersr388:
SolomonFaulknerSR388 Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Awesome. lol. Yeah... if only it were so easy. XD
Reply
Add a Comment: